Happy Birthday Baby Boy!

1 year ago today:

1:30am - I have a super painful contraction that wakes me from a deep drug induced sleep. I guess it was instinct, but I immediately jumped out of bed just in time for my water to break (SO glad about that).

This is where it goes fuzzy for me again - I only remember bits and pieces.

Carl and my Dad had just gone to bed after watching a movie, so they got VERY little sleep (as if I got more). Carl went to wake my mom and then I insisted on getting in the shower; even in the state of mind I was in, I knew it was imperative to be clean before going to the hospital (you taught me well Mom!). Carl called his parents and they headed up to the hospital.

The next thing I remember is my Dad taking some pictures and then we were in the truck. The ride to the hospital was painful, I felt every bump in the road as if I was being dragged behind the truck. When we got to the hospital it was after hours so we had to go through the emergency room. THEY MADE ME CHECK IN AND SIGN PAPERS STANDING UP! To this day I still have trouble believing that I had to do this. I remember tying my jacket around my waste because apparently your water does not just break once, but it keeps coming (too much information for some of you, I know, but you'll survive). Please note the series of pictures of this event - and notice the lady in behind the window - it sure looks like she is telling me to calm down, doesn't it?

Then I jump ahead to getting in bed and getting all hooked up, only to find that I still had not made any progression. I asked for the epidural and then I think after I got comfortable and we knew there was no hurry, we sent the grandparents home to try and get some sleep.

They brought Carl a cot and we both tried to get some sleep - not much luck, knowing what was ahead.

Later that morning, grandparents come back and still no progression on my part. Dr. Sara Robert came in and explained that there was a window of 12-18 hours after the water breaks that the baby needs to be delivered or the risk of infection gets too high.

At this point John's heart rate would drop with every contraction. Due to this and no progression, the Dr. asked us if we wanted to have a c-section or wait a couple more hours and potentially have to have an emergency c-section. In the case of an emergency, Carl would not be able to be in the room. So the choice was clear; c-section it was. Although I was sorely disappointed, as I did not want a c-section. But, in hind site, his head is perfectly round and my recovery was super fast.

We get all prepped and they wheel me back. While they are prepping me for surgery, Carl had to wait outside. The anesthesiologist kept poking me with a pin around my waist and asking me if I could feel it - I kept saying yes. Although I think it was in fear that he would not give me enough drugs, I really don't think I felt it. I deeply regretted the amounts of medicine they gave me for the next 2 days.

I can not explain to anyone what a c-section is like. I was so nervous and was on so much medicine - all I could do was talk, I remember that I just kept talking. I don't really remember what I was talking about, but I just kept talking, and talking. There was no pain - but the pressure - OH THE PRESSURE - It truly feels like an elephant is sitting on top of you. It is the utmost, with out a doubt strangest feeling in the world. All the while, I am asking the Dr.'s to stop pulling my insides out for one second so I can lean to the side and puke in my little pink bucket (that pink bucket and I became very good friends)

Carl had the video going for some of this, and taking pictures during the rest of the time. He only peeked around the scary blue curtain a couple of times.

2:48 - Dr. Robert says "he has such big feet" and then... the most precious sound in the entire world - John's first cry. They brought him to me and then Carl says the Dr. nodded to the anesthesiologist to knock me out; he must have, because I really do not remember anything else until we wheeled out into the waiting room (although I think these memories are more from the pictures than my mind).

Next thing I remember is everyone standing in the hospital room and Carl handed me John for the first time - it was a moment that I will cherish forever and never forget. I cried, Carl cried, well, everyone cried except John. It was a moment of pure bliss. Then...enter pink bucket! UGH! It was constant.

The next memory I jump to is his first feeding - just a couple hours into this world - he latched right on like he was a pro. Breastfeeding is one of the hardest things a woman can do, but wow - that moment was incredible. Oh except I had to interrupt him and give him back to Carl several times so I could lean into the little pink bucket.

We stayed in the hospital just 2 more nights - and I remember it being SO HOT, we had broken our air conditioning and it was the first few days of hot weather in Texas, so the window did not help either. I remember not eating ANYTHING until about 4:00 in the morning, the nurse brought me some yogurt that I was able to keep down. Carl's cot was the most pitiful thing I had ever seen.

The day you were born was the most incredible day of our lives, sleep deprived, but running on pure love!

We love you!