"Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" experiment

With the arrival of Matthew and then the overall stage of life, we have encountered some issues with John over the past month or so. Carl and I were finding ourselves getting very frustrated with him and losing patience quickly. We did not like how it made us feel or how we were reacting to John.

I remembered that I had this book "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood" that a few people had recommended a while back. I glanced through it a week ago today and started experiementing with some of its suggestions. I have to say, I think some of the chapters are super helpful and make sense and have worked for us. Other ideas in there are a little radical and I can not embrace in my parenting.

Specifically some things that have worked for us:

- No warnings, very little talking/lecturing and a "cue" word. One thing it says is that in life there may not be warnings, so why do we teach our kids that someone will have to tell you 3 times before something actually happens. A little extreme, but I can see the point. when an offense is made, we just say "uh-oh" in a very emphatic and sincere voice, followed by "it is so sad you have to have bedroom quiet time". Take them to the bedroom (or wherever you choose), tell them they can come out when they are ready to behave (or listen, or be sweet, or whatever) and leave them there until they are calm. John looks at us immediatly when we say "uh-oh" now and knows EXACTLY what it means. When they come out, don;t spend a lot of time lecturing them about what they did, they know what they did wrong. just move on with the day as if it did not happen. I particularly like this becuase it keeps me from getting angry and using a bad tone trying to get him to behave. knowing that I should not talk and letting myself have that option changes my mind set completely. After about 2-5 minutes, we hear John say "Mama, I am ready to listen" and then he comes out and we move on with the day. An easier way to do this is if there is an object involved, becuase then you can jsut take it with no words and you don;t have to do the quiet time thing. i.e. "uh-oh, you threw the puzzle at Mama" and then take it away with no other words.

- Give them choices - I think this is in a lot of books. But by giving them choices you give them a little control. The key is to give them choices that you are okay with, so no matter what they choose, it is okay. "Do you want to squeeze the toothpaste when we go into the bathroom to brush your teeth, or do you want to hold the toothbrush?" Either way, they are headed to the bathroom to brush teeth without fighting (in theory).

- Help them think for themselves and solve their own problems - This one takes some practice, but I am begining to catch on and I really like it. Not real sure how to explain this one shortly, but basically, do not do everything for them. Let them figure it out out their own, as long as it does not hurt them. This involves asking them a lot of questions and having them practice doing things on their own without telling them what to do. "do you think that would be a good idea or a bad idea/choice?" "Why?", if they say "I do not know" say "would you like to hear some ideas"...Like I said... hard to explain.

- Using enforceable statements:
*Instead of "pick up your toys" say "Feel free to keep any toys you clean up before bed" if he does not do it, you pick them up after he goes to bed, when he asks about it, tell him that since he did not pick them up, you took them. but then let him earn them back.
*Instead of "stop yelling/whining" say "I will listen to you when you voice is as calm as mine" or "I will listen when you use a big voice".
*Instead of "hurry up, get ready we need to leave" say "I am leaving in 10 minutes" and then walk out the door when you are ready. John has YET to not be right behind me saying "I want to come".

Anyway, I am not going to summarize the whole book. It is supposed to be from birth to 6 years. I just included a few things that seem to be relevant to us right now at 3.

I do recommend the book, but only becuase I think the more knowledge you have, the more ideas are inspired that work for your family. I am not endorsing all that is in this book.